myHIN Blog

June 25, 2013

Holding a Friend Accountable

Tired. Stressed. Frustrated. In a recent telephone discussion, this is how a dear friend described her life over the last six months. Brenda (name changed to maintain anonymity) and I have been friends since we were two years old! I know. How unusual for two people to maintain strong ties for what truly is a lifetime. With the stressors of career discontentment, professional anxiety and a demanding personal life, Brenda cares for her children, aging parents, job, husband and grandchildren. She postures to do and be all things to all people – as many women, Black women historically, have done and oftentimes continue to do. Despite these many roles, Brenda (like many of us) have been said by some scholars to exist at the margins.

More importantly, Brenda’s health (our health) suffers from the intersectionality of not only race and gender, but personal and professional roles she (we) has. During our telephone chat, Brenda began to share her frustrations with me. Goodness knows that I have unloaded on her before. Our friendship is based on listening rather than judging wherever we are in life. Brenda told me:

“I have not been sleeping, and the weight is not dropping. Crazy stuff at work..crazy stuff at work. Just tired.”

I decided to hold my friend accountable and replied,

“What are you doing for you? Walk and start with 30 minutes today. Tomorrow is not promised. Start today, and text me after you have completed the walk.”

For the last 10 days, I text Brenda to ask: “What time is your walk?” So far, so good. She is walking daily and starting with 30 minutes. She has cut her food portions, added more vegetables to her meals and told me: “It (the walk) was hard. Very out of shape. Lol! But I love your encouragement”.

….Holding a friend accountable as I know she will do the same for me. Together, we are working to stop the “tired of being tired” mentality.